Hello GimpSex Friends,
Good to see you have given me a slice of your free time that could be spent prolonging other activities! I’m sure you get the drift. Wish me the best of luck. This article will be my very first written for the FuzzyCircle Column on GimpSex.org. Hopefully, it will give meaning to somebody. If anything I can gain valuable experience with writing effective columns.
Nothing could be more stimulating than discussing sex! While I will try my best to refrain from the use of excessive gratuitous sexual language, I cannot refrain from what I feel is necessary. Be advised that this column is of a sexual nature and may not be for the faint of heart. Enough of this verbal garbage, eh?
Do people with disabilities think about sex more than people with non-mobility related impairments? Recently, I’ve been asking myself this very question. Myself, like many other people with or without disabilities think about sex constantly. I think about it from the time I wake up, until the time I go to bed, and that’s where I really ponder the bountiful world of sex. Sex seems to frequently be at the forefront of my mind, but why? I don’t think about other pressing issues nearly as much. There’s no doubt that being a disabled male in his mid-20s makes it more understandable, but I feel it goes even further.
This may not seem politically correct but maybe my position as a disabled person coincides more with my sexuality than I once thought. Or maybe my disability plays a different role in society’s view of what sexuality constitutes. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to use my disability as a stepping stone for my sexuality but just hear me out.
This past weekend I went to a dance club with a couple of my good friends, all of whom I might add are not disabled. Right as we got settled, I couldn’t keep my eyes off this beautiful woman. I must have stared her down for at least the first half-hour upon entering the club. There is no doubt that I had several fantasies running through my mind. I mean, I haven’t been sexually active with a woman in quite some time. Maybe it’s a good thing she didn’t realize I was staring so blatantly at her. I can’t stand it when people stare at me.
I kept envisioning her lying down on the bar table while I muff dived all night long. It didn’t take long for my friends to realize I was mesmerized by the scenery. I kept telling them how I felt sexually about this woman. It’s what happened next that blew me away.
The entire night all I could think about was burying my face between this woman’s legs. Call me a pig, call me what you will. Like you never have such thoughts. All that was on my mind was sex, licking, playing. Finally, on the way home my friends became fed up with my sexual lingo and were asking me nonchalantly to “shut up”. “Talk about something else, Fuzzy!” they exclaimed. This was extremely rare to me! I thought men were stereotypically always the ones to be obsessed with sex. At the time I didn’t know what to think. Am I supposed to feel bad when my own friends, who are men themselves, think I talk about sex too much? After deep thought there are several outcomes I have come up with on this situation.
If you haven’t realized, people with disabilities are some of the most sexually deprived. In many cases they are not able to act out on their sexuality because of physical limitations. Many need assistance from others to help perform sexual tasks. Often we may not be able to find people who are willing to lend a helping hand with these matters. From my own experiences, it is nearly impossible to stop focusing on sex when there are no physical means to alleviate my sexual thoughts. Just because someone cannot act in conventional means of sex does not mean their sexual desires are diminished. If anything it heightens these desires!
Once a sex therapist, who has tremendous experience working with PWD’s, told me the following: “Sex is a drive and a drive MUST BE satisfied. When a drive is adequately satisfied it ceases to become important until the sexual urge wants to be satisfied again. There are other people who think more and less about it than you because sex drive is not distributed evenly among humans just as intelligence is not distribute evenly. Some have more and some have less, but even those with less find it frustrating when it isn’t satisfied.
Until your sex drive is satisfied you cannot think about much else.” This quote has become increasing significant to me over the past couple of months. It has helped me identify with my constant sexual desires. It makes sense why so much of my time is spent focusing on sex. Quite possibly PWD’s sex drives are not being adequately satisfied. Can you relate? It’s terribly frustrating when disabled people cannot even assist themselves in masturbation, let alone full-fledged intercourse. No wonder many disabled people constantly think about sex!
In Western culture people with disabilities are seen socially to be non-sexual, asexual beings. When was the last time you saw a woman in a wheelchair on the cover of Mademoiselle? When was the last time you encountered a person publicly “making out” with someone who had a disability? These are simply things that people generally are not exposed to.
When sexual exposure of people with disabilities is blocked, distorted, or censored by the majority, it becomes very unfamiliar to us. Sometimes this unfamiliarity can turn into fear. It’s easy for one to shy away from areas that have not been explored. To be unwilling to challenge and explore these areas is also common. Instead of taking the initiative to confront the unknown, we tend to decline engaging in such thoughts or activities. It’s easy for one to dismiss and put a biased opinion on what they are unwilling to explore. I’ve done it before. Throughout the early stages of my sexual journey I told myself I would never eat pussy.
That was until I tried it! Now I can’t get enough of it! So much so it’s now my favorite past time…just kidding! Seriously, though, it’s easy to shy away sexually from a person with a disability because they may be unfamiliar to us. It’s also just as easy to dismiss a disabled persons sexual desire because of this very fact. No wonder some seem to think I concentrate on sex too much! If those people think sexual activities or desires for PWD’s is non-existent, then even one notion of sex to them would be TOO much! What is too much sex? I thought that was an oxymoron.
Maybe society should take a different approach to PWD’s and sexuality. Let’s take food for example. We all have our favorite types of food. Sometimes we are reluctant to try different foods because they are unfamiliar to us. Maybe we base our decision on what others have told us. Maybe we base our decision on the smell, look, or consistency of the food. There are those of us who feel that trying a new type of food will simply add variety to our listing of likes and dislikes.
If we try the food and do not care for it then we know for sure it is not to our liking. However, if we try it and find we really like it, then we have found new variety in our tasting pleasures. On the other hand if we are unwilling to try the new food and stick to what we know, then we feel like we cannot be disappointed. However if we constantly indulge in foods we like, eventually we will become bored with repetition.
But how many of us have taken the initiative to try something we thought we would not enjoy, yet now it is one of our favorite foods? We would now kick ourselves for not trying what we currently explored. Now, because I was willing to try unfamiliar foods, I like to eat shrimp as much as pussy! Unfortunately, there are hundreds of foods we might like but will never have the opportunity to try because we will never be exposed to them. So we might as well try as many different cuisines as possible.
What type of food we decide to eat is solely an individual decision. Granted, some foods are better for us than others. Some have more minerals and vitamins, others more sugar, cholesterol, and fat. We will always have our preferences and discriminate according to what we think is delicious. Remember that choices made strictly on physical characteristics can be deceiving. Maybe next time we go to a restaurant we will try a new food and it will become a new favorite.
If it doesn’t at least we were willing to try something different. We all need food to survive and grow. Sexuality is a key part of a healthy life for anybody, disabled or not. If PWD’s think about sex more often than others, so what! Take into consideration the obstacles presented to PWD’s when exploring their sexual freedom. You may have a greater understanding of their sexual circumstances. Has this has helped anybody? It certainly has made me hungry. I’m going to get something to eat. I bet you can’t imagine what my appetite is craving?????